Harvesting Offspring

In a little less than two hours, we will be leaving for the hospital to return with a freshly plucked son! We will squeeze him, poke him and sniff him to make sure he is ripe, but I happen to know he is purely organic and perfect. We are ready for our new little addition. We are ready to see his tiny face. We are ready to shower him with kisses. We are ready to introduce him to Big Sister. We are ready for the month (if we are lucky) of sleep deprivation. We are ready for the obscene amount of poo-filled diapers. We are ready for spit-up. We are ready for "coos" and gurgles. We are ready. Today 3 become 4. I hope we are ready.

The Stockings are Hung by the Chimney with Care

Black Friday

If a red "sky in morning" means "sailors take warning," then what does waking up with a migraine headache mean? This is the first one I have had in almost two years. I used to get them quite frequently in college, then less frequent in grad school, then maybe once per year or two after that. When I went to the doctor about it early on, he said these types of headaches are caused by vasoconstriction in the brain thus potentially effecting vision and causing acute pain. He said the tricky part is figuring out your trigger: too much caffeine, too little caffeine, stress, certain foods or dyes, etc. I used to think caffeine, but now I know it is stress. Last night, for some reason I decided to lay in the bed with the weight of all my worries lying on top of me. I rarely dwell on the negative, but my mind was swimming in it last night. Dwelling on worries=stress=vasoconstriction=migraine=fat headache=crap start to my day.

On a less headachy note, Thanksgiving was deliciously worthy of thanks. I (with only a little assistance) successfully prepared my first Thanksgiving feast including: herb roasted turkey, fresh yeast rolls, corn on the cob, green beans, dressing (this is where the help came in), sweet potatoes, fresh cranberry sauce (which was forgotten in the fridge), and 2 pumpkin pies. The one day a year it is acceptable and encouraged to overeat. Today, as soon as my head feels a little better, I need to get my workout on - extra long, extra effort. My Christmas wish is to not indulge a bulge, but instead workout with extra vigor and eat in a manner that allows me to feel refreshed after a meal as opposed to sinking. Healthy Holidays everybody!

'Twas the Night Before Overeating

'Twas the night before Thanksgiving and all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. Meanwhile, out in the country, my entire family has, once again, gathered all together and is hooting, hollering, laughing, eating, loving, sharing, sitting, talking, remembering, and enjoying. And here we sit.........waiting..........on...............baby.............Nathan............to..............hurry.............up. Life is good though. For tomorrow will find me a year older, with a turkey, fresh baked yeast rolls, sweet potatoes, corn, 2 pumpkin pies and a birthday cake all in my cross hairs of imminent and swift destruction. I will give thanks.

Elephant and Things in Trees

Productivity

Sewing machine? I am a sewing machine. I finally finished all of Zoe's Christmas present foods and "paper" bag. I am most proud of the sandwich and the egg. The sewing machine was only used on the grocery bag (Nocona did that part...I mean give me a break I'm already sewing, to use the machine would be just too far). Everything else was done by hand. It was a lot of fun and actually pretty easy. Next up, a new pair of jeans (not really). In addition to felt foods, I made a mobile for baby Nathan, who still has yet to make his grand entrance, and I also made a sweet elephant clock out of the same old salvaged fence wood I used to make Nathan's changing table as well as a bunch of bird houses. I'll post some pictures of the little nature mobile and elephant clock later.

The weather here has been nothing short of spectacular the last couple of weeks. In the mornings and evenings, we bundle up in jackets and hats to walk the crunchy leafed path to the park. I intentionally dress too light in order to soak in the full cold of the northern blasts of wind. When I look down at Isabel riding in the stroller, I often see my feeling of contentment and joy expressed on her little face as she points her nose into the breeze and says, "wwwiiiind!" We swing and slide and climb until our need for lunch or dinner outweighs or want for fun. Then we load up and stroll home. So far, my days off have been a fantastic look into what the life of a wealthy heir might look like...minus the wealth. Maybe I was born during the wrong time period. I should have spent my days at home building barns with neighbors and working the fields along side my sons, while the wife and daughters cooked up hearty breakfasts and sewed awesome new clothes (note: I was just stating traditional roles of a time gone by. I would have no problem whatsoever putting my girls to work while I stayed inside and made a scrumptious meal and sewed some felt foods). It was a hard existence then, but you have to know at the end of the day they found a much deeper sense of satisfaction in their labors and life than we do now. Who says we can't still live like that!?

Books and Bearded Holidays

I once wrote a children's book called Corn Boy and Peanut: Adventures in Eating. I just found this picture on my computer and had to post it because it is hilarious. But, I have no intentions whatsoever of revealing the story line, so all you empty-headed plagiarizers out there can take a hike. Actually, I want to talk about my beard. My gloriously growing beard. My four days of shaving strike look more like two and half weeks. Its like each little hair on my face is stretching its neck to the max with the longest sigh of relief. I never used to shave. Oh, I would break out the razor somewhere in the neighborhood of once or possibly twice a month, but never more frequent than that. It was great! During my month off, I have granted my little facial proteins a pardon. Well, I guess it's more like a stay of execution since they will be back under the knife at the start of the new year. So, throw out those razors and join me for the bearded holiday revolution!

A Good Day at Work

First things first: Baby News...still waiting...

Now, gather up all your friends and family, get as close as you can to the screen and prepare yourself for the greatest announcement in years. Are you ready? You sure? This is big time stuff...seriously gather everybody around. I'll wait................ok, here it is:
I DON'T HAVE TO GO BACK TO WORK UNTIL JANUARY 3RD!

That is correct my friends there will be no more daily donning of the uniform, no more 30 pounds of gadgetry upon my torso for 8 hours x 5 days a week, no more cramming all that into a tiny car surrounded by electronics only to turn around and unpack it all every 20 minutes or so, no more chasing dumb fools who I don't really care to catch, no more screaming violent couple counselling, no more ill disciplined teens with frontal lobe malfunctions, no more 5 car hit and run DWI major accidents on the freeway during rush hour surrounded by thousands of road raged motorist who want nothing more than for me to fall off the edge of the earth so they can speed past on the shoulder to get home to their wife and kids, and no more just having to go to work when my girls need a fun-filled afternoon of Dad Time. It's gonna be great! After all a bad day at home is better than a good day at work!

Fake Out

Last night, as I was cruising around at work, I got the call I was waiting for.

"I'm having contractions," Nocona said.

"What?" I say, not so much as a question, as to just allow my brain a second to process.

"I'm having light contractions."

"Sweet! Do you need me to hurry and come home?" I asked.

"No."

"No?"

"No. Not yet. They are still light and inconsistent," she said rather nonchalantly for someone approaching the world's most exhausting exercise...

So, the night went on with calls back and forth between contractions and trips to the jail, but all to no avail. She went to bed and woke up with hardly any more episodes. False Labor. False Alarm. I must admit my excitement is divided - 60% new baby, 40% no more work until after New Year's (ok maybe 50-50 or 30-70, who knows?) I'm just ready to see the new little man and introduce him to his new world. Everything is ready, son. Hurry up!

Just Say No

Let me give you one big fat reason not to get the H1N1 Virus Vaccination...Zombies. That's right, undead, flesh eating, aimless wandering Zombies. Doesn't this whole thing sound just like a blockbuster movie? The news media and government officials terrify all of us concerning the H1N1 Influenza Virus, practically insisting we get vaccinated immediately. So, being the good obedient mindless drones we are, we all rush over to our local clinics and family physicians to get our shots. Next thing you know, it's six months down the road and the hidden mutating side effects of the vaccine begin to take full effect. At first, there are a few strange reports out of east Africa, which are followed by similar medical mysteries in various locations around the globe. Before long, the situation is pandemic. Every single human who received the vaccination has undergone the same horrific mutations: rotting flesh, a significant loss of cognitive abilities with the exception of basic survival instincts, which leads to their uncontrollable urge to feast on the flesh of individuals who remain unaffected due to the facts that a) they already contracted the H1N1 Virus therefore did not get the vaccine or b) they were born with a certain genetic makeup that enables their immune system to fight off the mutating effects of the vaccine. So, the more of us that stand up to the man and refuse to be intimidated by local news broadcast of doom and gloom, the more of us there will be to fight off the Zombies in the end.

Strong Cup of Joe

Whhoooo can sew?!

This is Nathan's new lovey courtesy of Dad's new tender sewing sissy hands.

Our Pets are Quiet

Good news and bad news. The good news is the new neighbor moved in a couple of days ago and we went out to meet her. She is a very pleasant late middle-aged (apparently single) lady who works as a nurse at a local hospital. No loud teenagers - thumbs up. No thuggy rap - thumbs up. No convicted felons - thumbs up. The change of neighbor appeared to be a sparkling fortunate success...then came 6:36am...bark, bark, bark, bark, bark bark, bark, bark, bark, bark bark, bark, bark, bark, bark.... This will not do. Folks, let's just say this boy grew up in the country and I have no qualms, whatsoever, concerning the killing of small animals. They used to call me "Disposal Unit #1". Don't mistake this for animal cruelty - Michael Vick-type individuals need a good butt kicking (or maybe throw them in a ring with a couple of rabid pitbulls and see how they fair). I'm simply saying people come first. If a dog's barking keeps you from precious sleep - you teach it to shut up! If it won't shut up - you do what you have to do. Am I really going to feed Nurse Neighborly's dog ground meat mixed with enough rat poison to kill a small rhino...no. But, I am going to make a few suggestions and then, when my lease is up, get the heck out of here. Its time for at least a backyard again anyway. Why can't everybody's pets be like ours? (see picture)

All Grown Up

My baby lettuce seeds are all grown up now. Tonight, I will use some of the fresh leaves in a salad for part of my dinner. Nothing taste better than food you planted yourself. I also saw a couple of fall cherry tomatoes growing. Aside from the tomatoes and the lettuce, everything is getting yanked this week. I considered allowing the okra a little more time, but its final pardon was denied and it is time for it to walk the "green" mile. I'm a little sad to say goodbye to this year's crops (I use the word crops in its most pitiful sense). But, now we can all lay dormant for the winter and begin to dream about next year's improvements.

Just Call Me Mr. Woman

So, I sew. I have officially stepped over it. It being the invisible line in my brain in which I could approach but not cross. Its the great barrier dividing football watching, beer chugging, free-throw shooting, fast car driving, and gun shooting from bread baking, curtain hanging, furniture arranging, and fashion awareness (if you've ever seen me, you know this awareness is pretty lacking). The two sides have lived together with mutual respect and admiration, but the silently agreed upon boundary has been broken...I sewed. However, I have justification. Christmas is rapidly approaching and in an effort to save some mullah I have broadened my horizons. It was actually kind of fun, and super simple. Who needs to go to 4 years of medical school and 7 more years of surgical residency?! Come on over and I'll stitch up that pancreas and abdominal wall for free. The idea for the felt veggies and finger puppets came from this website Nocona loves called thelongthread.com. It has a ton of ideas for making gifts and things. Made gifts are better than bought gifts anyway. And, if that's not enough justification, I still carry a gun and fight for a living...a little sewing's not going to have too much impact.

Free is Better Than Not Free

I love free stuff! My mother-in-law drinks somewhere in the neighborhood of 2,003,876 Diet Cokes per month and saves all the bottle caps and 12-pack codes for me. I take the codes and enter them at mycokerewards.com. The codes add up to points that can be used to purchase free stuff (well, free for me at least). So far, I have about 7 of more new year-long magazine subscriptions. BooYah. Everybody in this house loves to read. I think Isabel's love for reading is the result of seeing mommy and daddy reading all the time. Who needs cable?! Don't you think part of societies problems could be solved if we turned off the 400 channel lineup more often, threw away the video games, unplugged the constant background noises and instead, walk over to the library, get a free card and loose ourselves in the words and worlds of books. And, beside that, the occasional 25 cent late fee beats the pants off of a $130 cable bill every month.

The Halloween Harvest