Smoking is Dumb and Pants are Good

So, my supervisor and I saved a guy from certain death by banging on his door and waking him up after driving by and seeing his truck on fire inside his garage, which in turn ignited the whole house. Getting him out was the only thing I could do since my "quality" city-issued fire extinguisher wouldn't work (it most likely would not have made any difference in the outcome). The smoke became so great that it completely enveloped the neighbors' houses. Therefore, I had to run through the thick darkness and evacuate 2 kids whose mother thought it would be a good idea to just drive off and leave them in the house while it quickly filled with smoke. There is no shortage of Stupid in our society. Some people would greatly benefit from a good wake up slap.

Speaking of stupid, I have a renewed disrespect for smoking. I experienced a years worth of smoke in my lungs in less than a minute and let me tell you, smoke and lungs don't mix, and there is a reason firemen use a fancy oxygen mask and not just a shirt pulled up over their nose and mouth. I was hacking for about a half hour after my jog through the black cloud, and I still have black boogers.

Attention all people who sleep in your underwear: its a pretty good idea to keep some pants and a shirt within reach just in case your house catches on fire and you have to run outside in the middle of the day with the entire neighborhood staring, complete with media crews and helicopters over head. But, I guess it's better alive in your skivvies than dead fully clothed.

Debt Sucks

Spending Money = Fun.
The Aftermath of Spending Too Much Money = Not Fun.
If you happen to know someone who has access to a time machine, please let me know so I can take a trip back to see my late-teen early-twenties self and commence to beat the poo out of him until he understands that using credit cards and getting unnecessary student loans is not a good idea. How free I would be if the me then had the me now's brain. The borrower truly is slave to the lender. This is the whole reason I continue to live in the city, which is the bane of my existence. I am a slave...but I am slowly digging my tunnel to freedom.

I hope my pumpkins grow.

High Definition

Tonight I stood out on the front porch and watched nature TV. The usual blazing hot late evening sun was blackened by a sky full of ominous clouds rapidly approaching from the northwest. Within minutes the temperature dropped from the mid-nineties to the low seventies (ahhh). The chilling breeze coupled with the clean wet smell of coming rain filled me with thoughts of Halloween and pumpkins, hot chocolate and sweaters. Until a couple of years ago, I somewhat despised rainy days. Now, it feels like I missed out on years of free entertainment that far outweighs any provided by so called "High Definition" TV. You want true High-Def? Put on your glasses and sit outside as a Texas Thunderstorm approaches, or lay perfectly still in a hammock and observe all the movements of life in the limbs above. Watch a group of chickens as they go about their daily chores of pecking and scratching, or listen closely to the familiar never-ending song of the whipper wheel bird. Tonight, I miss the country.

Little Bit of Puke in My Mouth

Here is a good idea. If you weigh somewhere in the neighborhood of 350-400 pounds and someone knocks at your door, before answering put on something more than a size small see-through nightgown that doesn't fully cover your otherwise naked body. I have had many nightmares less frightening. What's worse is this is the second time I have been to that house and the second time I have received this less-than-pleasant surprise presentation. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, gouge my eyes out.

Yeah Rain!

Bee Gone, Bee Found

My garden's lack of production this year can be traced to one major factor - no pollination. The bees are gone. I have not seen one single bee, or wasp for that matter, anywhere close to one of my plants. I have tried planting several different yummy smelling bright colored flowers to try to entice the bees into setting up shop, but all to no avail. Until yesterday, I had no clue where all the bees could be hanging out. While working a 4 car major hit and run accident on the rush hour, jam-packed, angry driver laden freeway, I found them. As I was strolling through the grassy median between the edge of the fast lane shoulder and the concrete barrier, I suddenly became aware of the wildlife moving around me. Grasshoppers, gnats, butterflies, wasp and bees! I was furious! Of all the places a bee could go to perform its natural talents, it chooses the grassy inside median of major metropolitan freeway during rush hour! I guess I need to just throw a bunch of trash on my front porch, honk a lot, spill some oil, blanket my plants in exhaust fumes and give them the middle finger on a regular bases so I too can attract those fuzzy pollinators. And here I thought organic was the way to go...time for a paradigm shift.

Garden Multiplication

Upon return from our travels, we were greeted at the front door by a horrible slaughter. The front porch garden was out of control. Many of the plants were past the point of CPR or electric shock for that matter. It was just too hot and the water too nonexistent. The survivors seemed to have banded together in some sort of sacrilegious festival to mourn for their fallen family. The spent tomato plants had Medusa-like spindles extending in all directions. The Malabar spinach and the cantaloupe had both reached out of their pots and intertwined in some sick incestuous relationship. And the new pumpkin vines had decided to grow into the nearest hedge.

I wish I could say it all happened while I was away, but, other than watering, I have been letting things go on autopilot for a couple of weeks prior. So, I spent the morning yanking out dead plants, pruning the injured and separating the viney lovers with a stern lecture. I took cuttings off of the tomato plants and replanted them in 4" pots to root. This is my first attempt at rooting tomatoes, so my fingers are crossed.