When I arrived home I was greeted by open doors and a terribly disturbing and cliche buttcrack peaking over the top of sagging jeans half way inside a hole in my son's closet. The plumber had arrived. He ripped out giant sections of perforated and severely damaged septic line, which had led to what he described as a "potentially hazardous amount of methane gas." It was enough methane to chemically react with the antique copper pipes turning them shiny and silver. My disposition on the whole matter is less than shiny and silver. The plumber spread enough lime under the house to "neutralize" the problem. Although, lime in and of itself is a problem. Now I sit and wait for the magical absorbing reactions to happen and then I can bring the family back. The swamp gases do seem to be dissipating somewhat. However, I fear my prolonged exposure to the hazardous waste dump might have some unwanted side effects. Hopefully, I won't wake up in the morning craving algae and a propensity toward killing everyone who crosses my swamp.
*Picture from http://www.hollywoodoutbreak.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/swamp-thing.jpg
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