Microwave Harassment

I have had an ongoing interaction with a woman who believes she has been the victim of covert government-inflicted microwave harassment for the past six years. "They," as she calls them, sneak into her home undetected approximately one or more times per week to steal items, move items, or return certain previously stolen items. Once each of these occurrences is discovered, she calls 911 to file a report. She lives directly in the center of my patrol area, which consequently results in nine out of every ten reports becoming my responsibility. I have been called out for pea-sized dents in exterior eves of her house, two cans of missing thirty-cent cat food, living room chairs moved 3 inches to the south of their usual position, missing files of previous police reports, a weed-eater moved from one side of the garage to another, and mysterious acorns appearing in her yard about this time every year (this last mystery was solved easy enough by pointing out the towering acorn tree in her neighbors front lawn). Acorn-type complaints have earned this lady a title of what we like to call Signal 20 - aka coo coo for cocoa puffs. Unfortunately, she has also earned a tremendous amount of disrespect from most of my colleagues. I say unfortunate because this lady is extremely intelligent. Her home is laden with books. And not fluff books, which can be found in the overwhelming majority of homes with books. I would dare say a sad approximation is only one out of one hundred homes I visit daily contains a significant amount of real, well-worn, well-read, fully digested books. My Signal 20 has books. Ceiling to floor shelves stacked with books. The topics include: advanced theoretical physics, microbiology, bacteriology, economics, calculus, statistics, theology, organic chemistry, cooking, history books covering every major war and event in history, quantum mechanics, and one whole bookcase of sheet music beside the high polished baby grand piano in her living room. These along with a handful of conversations I have had with her lead me to conclude she is significantly smarter than everyone of my work peers. So, what if she is right? Maybe "they" are after us and she is one of the only people who notices.